if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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