I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
