i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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