dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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