You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
