i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
