So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what day is it and did you see me today?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize