this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
