I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
