okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
