Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
