if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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