All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize