2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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