I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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