I'm gonna have a badass scar
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
