you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
