Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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