i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
