I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
