yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
