yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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