Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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