Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
