Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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