Can i not drive my cunt home
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
