I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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