'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
