After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
