The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
