I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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