Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
