census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
