i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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