best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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