She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and she was petting her beer can
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize