You smell like stripper and shame
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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