I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
