well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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