I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
