If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
