Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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