dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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