The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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