I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
