You work out of a Hotel?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
