HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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