he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
