Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
