I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
