Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
