There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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