you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
is that a dick in a sweater?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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