I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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