Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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