Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
