my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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