I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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