The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
