I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
