Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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