can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
