Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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