Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
