Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
